Invisible weights
a collaboration between Judy Lam and Gloria Ching; a 5 minute trip into the desert with God. this time you get to wear Gloria's shoes. to read more about this project, scroll to the bottom of the page.
I once lived in a desert, where the waves of heat was my blanket of comfort, the dry air took my breath away. This was all I knew; this was my normal, until God came into my life. He took the weight of the blanket off my shoulders, He filled my lungs with life, He showed me a glimpse of heaven. He has shown me the way and I’m running home. I got a taste of His grace and His mercy for me. I wanted to experience it all, so I threw myself in His family, in His ministry, in His presence. This new life became my new normal. I loved being in His goodness, I explored and wandered all He has to offer. I wandered and wandered, but I wandered too far. I strayed away without even noticing, I have let go my hand and I’m desperately trying to grab on to Him, but my hand reaches out to imitations of Him. I’m trying to find Him, I’m trying to hear Him.
I’m walking; an endless haze looms in all directions. Unsure of where to go or where I’m heading. I wander. The sun, the warmth, the air fills me. It is a blanket that comforts me. The scene ahead of me remains the same, but the ground is always different. It is full of cracks. Some short, some long, some branching, some gaping. My eyes are fixated to the lines because it’s the only thing that changes.
My foot crushes the lines with every step. With every step, the sand fills the gaps, my impressions remain. Am I able to cover all these cracks? Well, let’s find out. I don’t know how long I’ve been doing this or how many steps I’ve taken. This has been my norm. This is my posture, constantly looking at my feet, looking at the ground. This is my life. A pair of feet stops me from my path.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m walking,”
“Can I walk with you”
“I won’t say no,”
We walk together. I never had company before. I have only heard one pair of feet crunching against the sand, now my ears are filled with another sound of crunching. The ground has more footprints. It’s something new, something different.
“Can I take you somewhere?”
“Where else can we go?”
“There is more to this life than this desert,”
Desert? What is that? Is this place a desert? I follow his feet. With every step, the ground becomes softer, darker. The cracks turned into lumps. The air has become cooler, refreshing. The sun is still there, but the warmth that once hugged me has cooled, the air that filled my lungs now tingled with every breath. Everything seems lighter.
“Where are you taking me?”
“I’m bringing you home,”
Home? Another word that is foreign to me. His feet continue moving; I move with him. I never felt this before. I had never seen this before. Something beats in my chest. That has never happened before, but I don’t want it to stop. I want more, but he stopped. I stopped. We have reached the horizon which I never thought could be obtainable. I never thought I would be able to get there, it felt so far away, but here we stand. The ground ended. My toes just touch the edge, and below there’s a drop into an abyss.
“Are we home?”
“Almost, it is just ahead.”
“But there is only darkness is ahead,”
“No, you must look up,”
“I don’t think I can,”
“I have led the way, I walked with you, I saw your cracks, I helped fill them, I have taken the weights off of you, and brought you to freedom. You can lift your head, child.”
The bounding in my chest now reaches my ears. I am consumed by the pounding in all directions; however, a hand was placed on my back, another on my shoulder. He pulls me up, the ground falls further away from me. The heat of the past no longer holds me down. My back and neck moves in a direction that I never knew could. I lift my head and I see beyond the darkness. The haze is gone and replaced with colors I have not seen, creatures and plants of different shapes and sizes, water sprouting in all directions.
“What is that,”
“Home. Do you want to come home?”
“How do I get there? There is no path”
“Have faith in me and step forward,”
“But will I fall?”
“You will not. Trust in me,”
The bounding in my chest continues to engulf me.
Fear, this is fear I am feeling, but I look at this stranger.
In his eyes, I feel a longing, a desire for something greater and more exciting. I feel fear, but this sense of peace makes me move. I take a step into the darkness in front of me, but I do not fall. My feet are firmly planted on something invisible that I cannot see. How is this possible? Step after step, I do not fall. Step after step, I walk faster. I am running. I feel exhilaration as my body carries me across the chasm. The wind brushes past me and the air becomes sweeter. The home in front of me grows closer and closer.
We made it across and I gasped for air. The tingling I felt before with each breath, now feels sensational and sweet. I am at awe at my surroundings. How can something so beautiful exist? We explored the beauty of this oasis. I eat the colorful fruits off the trees, I drink from the spring that sparkles in the sun, I explore the highs and lows of home. I love it here.
“Let’s keep going,”
“Going? Are we not home?”
“This is home; however, there is more ahead. The journey is not an easy one and not many make it through. Will you continue on?”
“Yes”
With no hesitation, I agreed to go towards something so much greater than what I could find here. Throughout the journey, He teaches me His story, His character, His ways, what He has done for me, and what He is doing now. He created everything, from the biggest of stars to the tiniest grains of sand. He knows me better than I know myself. He created this path that we walk upon now and He leads the way for me. I grow in His knowledge, His wisdom, His love, His mercy, His grace. I trust Him with my life and I love Him so deeply.
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick,”
“But my heart knows you. My heart is faithful to You, I will never stray away.”
I say these things with truth, but a part of me says it to reassure myself of the doubt that creeps in the dark corners of my mind. I am sure He knows it too.
We continue walking and I explore more of His creation and His goodness. I am always in awe of how these miracles can be. I sometimes run off and explore such things, but I always come back to Him and tell Him of my observations. I wandered and wandered, but I wandered too far. I strayed away without even noticing, I have let go my hand and I’m desperately trying to grab on to Him, but my hand reaches out to imitations of Him. I’m trying to find Him, I’m trying to hear Him.
Fear and doubt once again creeps into me. I held tight to it for it was my companion at the time. It now gives me comfort. I hold myself tightly to give myself security as I’m looking for Him through the wilderness. These feelings weigh heavily on me and without knowing my posture has changed. Instead of being upright with my hands wide open, I now hold tight to myself and my head bows low. This feeling was familiar, this sight is familiar. This heavy blanket wraps around me and gives me comfort.
I see my feet once again, a familiar sight. My feet have gone through a lot. It has walked over darkness and it has led me through this home. I trust it to lead me back to Him. I watch my feet take a step at a time in a direction that I believe to be forward, but I cannot see. I cannot see what is ahead anymore, but I see the ground my feet are taking me. I trust my feet to lead me back to Him.
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick. I walked and I walked and I forgot what I was walking towards. I believe it was a person, but I don’t remember what this person sounded like, but I trust my feet to lead me to that person. This is my life. A pair of feet stops me from my path.
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick.
I walked and I walked and I forgot what I was walking towards. I believe it was a person, but I don’t remember what this person sounded like, but I trust my feet to lead me to that person. This is my life. A pair of feet stops me from my path.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m walking,”
“Can I walk with you”
“I won’t say no”
We walk together. This seemed familiar. It has been so long since I heard the sound of another pair of feet walking along the dirt. The ground has more footprints. It’s something new, but something familiar.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m looking for someone?”
“Who are you looking for?”
“I don’t remember, but I’m looking for someone. I trust my feet to lead the way, for it has led me through many things.”
“I see, but how can you find someone when your posture is bent over.”
“I don’t know how to get back up.”
“Let me help you"
A hand was placed on my back, another on my shoulder. He pulls me up, the ground falls further away from me. The weight of my doubts and fears no longer held me down. My back and neck move in a direction that I haven’t done in so long. I lift my head and I see the oasis around me. The view of the ground is gone and is replaced by this man. In his eyes, I feel a longing, a desire for something greater and more exciting, a familiar feeling. I remember now, this is the person I was looking for.
“Where have you been?”
“I have always been with you, you held on to yourself rather than holding on to me. You didn’t let me help you, but I have protected you throughout the way.”
My vision begins to blur and haze. The pounding in my chest was loud, I could hear it again. Something wet fell down my check and water kept falling. These were tears, He told me about it once. However, I was not sad. The weight that I carried was gone. I could stand again. I felt relieved.
“I was so lost,”
“But now you are found”
about
"Invisible Weights" is a collaboration between Judy Lam and Gloria Ching. What started out as a photoshoot, the project evolved over time into a concept shoot surrounding the topic of family pressure, people pleasing, and finding freedom through walking with God.
Judy and Gloria ideated together on how these concepts could take form visually and over the course of three months, they were able to launch the project. For more context behind Gloria's journey, visit @spontanial or click here. There Gloria writes about her thoughts more explicitly yet still thoughtfully.
Creative director, photographer, and designer: Judy Lam
Writer and model: Gloria Ching